Top hats are, without a doubt, the finest single piece of clothing and one of the most useful things to put on your head, if not the most. They have seen countless civilizations rise and fall, and throughout all those centuries they have defiantly guarded their supremacy in covering bald spots, showing the middle class their place, and being the number-one targets of ignorant children's snowballs in old-timey movies, where people use words like "golly" unironically. Yes, such a time did once exist, and top hats stood their ground through those dark years. They have irrefutably more than earned their place as the kings of headwear. Yet today, you only see top hats in Jack the Ripper movies. Why is it that people deny their heads from these gods among hats, who, in their benevolence, only wish to rest on their temples, and maybe encourage them to grow a twirly moustache and start using the word "chap"?
Simply put, people have less taste than a cake made of cardboard and glue.
I'm here to change all that. Over the years, people have forgotten all the wonderful things top hats have brought them, and their enormous debt to them. The divine mission of the Top Hat Appreciation Center is to make people see once again what incredibly useful things top hats are, providing hours upon hours of endless fun for the whole family. This goal will be achieved through the use of blatant promotion and subtle subliminal (GET A TOP HAT) messages, and also by lowering the readers' guard with seemingly irrelevant ramblings about things that appear to have no connection whatsoever to top hats, but rest assured, whatever the subject, a top hatty undercurrent (ALWAYS WEAR A TOP HAT) can always be found.
Simply put, people have less taste than a cake made of cardboard and glue.
I'm here to change all that. Over the years, people have forgotten all the wonderful things top hats have brought them, and their enormous debt to them. The divine mission of the Top Hat Appreciation Center is to make people see once again what incredibly useful things top hats are, providing hours upon hours of endless fun for the whole family. This goal will be achieved through the use of blatant promotion and subtle subliminal (GET A TOP HAT) messages, and also by lowering the readers' guard with seemingly irrelevant ramblings about things that appear to have no connection whatsoever to top hats, but rest assured, whatever the subject, a top hatty undercurrent (ALWAYS WEAR A TOP HAT) can always be found.
And no, I actually don't own one myself. They're really expensive, you know. (BUY ME A TOP HAT)
